I believe I have mentioned before what a glamorous career that nursing is. We deal with body fluids of all kinds, poop, vomit, pee, mucous, and the good old mystery fluids that you really do not want to know what they are. Well today was no exception.
I have a patient who is a monthly foley catheter change. This is a tube that goes directly into the bladder for people who retain urine or their bladders just do not drain correctly anymore.
So this lady happens to be obese and it is very difficult to get to where I need to be from the front. So I have her roll to her side so I can insert the catheter. So everything is going normally until I hear "OMG, OMG, OMG!" from my patient. Before I had time to react the most unholy inhumane fart sounding as if it originated from the depth of Hell. Meh, farts are easy it has happened to me many times and I barely miss a beat. However this time the fart from hell was followed by the hugest smelliest shit I have ever had the misfortune of of seeing/smelling. Not to mention the fact it landed all over my arm. Some days I wish the uniform wasn't scrubs but full body armor!
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